SYAFIAH HUMAIRAH SAHARI

SALAM TAKZIAH BUAT ALLAHYARHAM SYAFIAH HUMAIRAH SAHARI, 

Mangsa dera kejam seorang lelaki yg menjadi teman lelaki kpd ibunya. Dhla duduk sekali, kawin nye tak? Astaga, Allah knows everything. Hmmm may Allah bless this girl. Sudah tentu nya masuk syurga.Tk dpt byg kn betapa sakit nye budak 3 thn ni menderita kena seksa mcm tu? Hmmm masyaAllah, Al-fatihah.

IBU

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? you don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. but at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. there isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. if you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. ppl have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. you feel the way you do just because you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait hmmmmm :'(

a letter from my stepfather kononnye dedicated to my late mom -_-

Sayang....

Ingatan ini tidak pernah padam terhadap dirimu. Setiap kali selesai menghadiahkan Al Fatihah pada rohmu, aku sentiasa berlinangan air mata. Setiap kali terdengar lagu "Tiada Lagi Kidungmu", diri ini tersedu sedan menahan gelodak di dlm dada.

Sayang....

Seminggu setelah pemergian dirimu, aku tak mampu pulang ke rumah kita. Aku tahu diri ini tidak sekuat dirimu menahan sebak. Namun setelah tiba waktunya, aku pulang juga. Sebaik sahaja melangkah masuk, aku terus hiba. Apabila masuk ke kamar kita, aku tewas akhirnya. Aku meraung, aku menangis. Aku peluk selendang mu yg tidak berbasuh lagi. Aku cium wangi dirimu. Aku lihat potret kita di atas meja. Aku memeluk bantal terakhir yg kau tidur sebelum kau dibawa ke hospital. Aku meraung dengan semahunya mahunya....Aku sedar aku sudah kehilangan dirimu. Aku sedar tiada lagi seorang kekasih menyambut kepulanganku. Aku sedar tiada lagi seorang isteri di sampingku. Di mana lagi harus aku bermanja? Di mana lagi harus aku mencurah kasih yg tak terhingga? Di mana lagi hendak aku mengadu kisah duka..?

Sayang...

Bulan Ogos bakal tiba. 5 Ogos menandakan setahun dirimu pulang menghadapNya. Setahun diri ini sayang tinggalkan. Setahun juga diri ini terumbang ambing tiada arah tujuan. Setahun juga aku merindukan suara mu, gelak tawamu, gurau senda kita...setahun aku kehilangan mu sayang.....

Sayang....

Aku mendirikan istana yang baru. Aku berkahwin juga setelah tidak dapat hidup sendirian. Namun aku membuat kesilapan. Panas yang aku harapkan ke petang, hujan mencurah di tengah hari. Aku kehilangan seseorang sekali lagi. Namun perpisahan yg terbaru ini tidak begitu perit. Mungkin kasih kami belum matang dan berakar umbi. Lalu dalam mengharungi hidup yg kembali keseorangan ini, bayang wajahmu tidak pernah lari dari ingatanku. Apakah aku bersalah sayang? Apakah aku bersalah tidak meminta izin darimu untuk mendirikan istana yg baru?

Sayang....

Aku pohon dari kejauhan ini, izinkanlah aku bertemu seseorang sebagai penawar semua kedukaan yg tak pernah padam di hati ini. Izinkanlah aku mengasihi seorang lain yg bergelar isteri. Walaupun aku tahu dirinya tidak boleh menyamai dirimu, namun aku pasti sayang juga mahu sesorang menjaga diriku, menyayangi diriku walaupun tidak sama dengan caramu. Tapi sayang, jiwa dan hati ini terlalu luka. Apakah dapat lagi aku menerima seorang insan untuk menerangi segenap hati yg kegelapan? Kasihku yang pertama meninggalkan aku sendiri...kasih ku yg kedua menghalau aku jauh pergi...Haruskah aku sanggup menerima kasih yg ketiga tanpa berbelah bahagi...?

Sayang...

Sayang jangan risau...sayang sentiasa di dlm ingatan, terpahat kuat tiada yg boleh menggugat. Di dalam hati ini telah aku sediakan ruang khas utk ingatan terhadap sayang. Sayanglah isteri, kekasih, sahabat pertama dlm hidup ini.......

walaupun tiada lagi ku dengar kidung....kerana kau pegi meninggalkan aku..

tiada lagi derai tawamu...kerana aku kini keseorangan

hanya kesepian...yang kian mencengkam...jiwaku..keran

..a tidak pernah terisi oleh kasih yang lain

Sayang....

Aku berdoa pada Yang Maha Esa...semoga sayang di tempatkan di golongan yang disayangiNya...semoga sayang bahagia di sana...semoga sayang tenang dan abadi selamanya...

Al Fatihah...
--------------------------..--------------------------..--------------------------..-----

What is this suppose to mean? After what u did to us? after what u did to the whole family? Can't u remember? 3weeks b4 my mom passed away? U were so mad, cuz my mom was walking a bit 'lembab'? U were shouting in front of ppl at the airport? while i was holding her hand? Still remember? What are u trying to do right now actually? Allah knows everything. U no need to tell us this whole crap. Everyone knows u met that girl before my mom died right? Its too late. Remember, what u give u get back. No need to write this just because u want another person in ur life. Nothing to do with my mom! U know what is my 1st impression when i saw this? "did he do this just for the sakes everybody would've sympathy to him or actually being a beggar?". U think my mom would want u to look happy without her? after what u did to her? NO! I DONT THINK SO!
Stop it, enough is enough. DONT U EVER DARE COME TO ME OR TO US FOR FORGIVENESS!
Its not worth it, AT ALL!


Sincerely from ur stepdaughter,
Azrul Asyikin Aziz Ahmad.

FED UP

fuck la its always me. im the baddest one. wtf ever la wei. Im freaking tired with all this bullshits! Fuck the world IM DEAD

Peter

Ohmygod, just now i went to bkt jalil for jogging with my dad. afta we go back im the only one yg tak mandi lagi. punye la laret dok on9. tup tup its already 12.45? burpppp. i wonder how am i gonna survive in the toilet semua dah tidur. Punye la berani kan diri pegi tandas, suddenly time bukak pintu tandas ade peter terbang. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! *sudden attack la kata kn hahaha
punye la mati akal dok fikir mcm mn nak mandi dgn peter tu ade kt dalam.  Damn where's the 'damn' ridsect? pftttt. Finally, jumpe jugak! Dah 10 kali spray peter tu baru la die pening2 sikit mcm nk pitam(see on the pic above). Huh dapat jugak mandi dengan tenang. And damn, it was like an EARTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHQUAKEEEE!!


*did u notice this few days i didnt bold any words? its because of im kinda lazy to bold any 'keywords'. only if i got time to bold it, then i will :P

NO AIR

THIS IS FOR YOU BABY
+the lyrics is totally for you


Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
Oh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No more
It's no air, no air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air


**I miss u but i don't wanna text u, cuz i know u didn't miss me right?

Back to basic

 

Well its been "erkk how many days hah?" i've been starving like hell just to make sure that i can wear those bikini's in my closet which getting stinky day by day ;x als, i've trained myself to jog as much as i can. but i guess it doesn't work so much though. My stomach still look ~!@#$%^&*()_+. Whatever it is, i'll try my best to get the best result. I AM THE SOLUTION!!Just wait another 3months :P *i guess so hehe

I dont wanna talk about the hp thingy -__- TQ

Ibu

Its all about ibu. Tadi ade perbincangan psl family. Its about harta-harta arwah ibu semua yg skrg jd masalah bile ayahanda and mak ngah adalah punca segalanya. Sambil aku dok dengar-dengar dorg berbincang semua suddenly terus terasa sebak sangat-sangat. 'rupe nye mcm ni la mak ngah? selama ni yg dikatekn adk kpd ibu aku rupe-rupe nye bertalam-talam muke die' 'drpd dulu ayahanda mmg tk serik-serik nk musnah kn hidup ktorg'. benda2 tu la yg dok bermain kt fikiran aku sambil diorang dok berbincang. Aku rase kesian sgt dkt akak, abg wan, abg lg, yana and diri aku sendiri. Selama ni yg mak ngah yg ktorang knl, yg baik dengan ibu semua. rupe-rupe nye bile ibu dh tk ade ape yg die nak cume lah harta. Ape semua ni? Aku mmg dh tak boleh nk carry on dh td, terus keluar kjp menangis. Knp dorg sanggup buat mcm tu? Sedangkn anak arwah sendiri pon tak terhegeh2 nk harta semua. Sdare mara yg lebih2? Kalau ktorg yg sibuk settle kn hal2 harta ni korg cakap ktorg ketagih harta sgt. tp itu semua utk kepentingan ktorg. Ktorang ade hak ktorg sendiri, ibu tu ibu ktorg. Mak ngah bukan waris. Anak jugak yg paling penting. Sedih la bile jd mcm ni, aku pun tk boleh buat pape. Sbb tu lg stress dgr mcm ni sedih teringat ibu. Ibu dekat sane punye la menunggu doa dr anak2 diorang drpd org yg die syg. tp dekat dunia, keluarga2 terdekat semua dok sebok nk kejar harta? Itu yg paling aku sedih sgt. Mcm mn la tanggapan ibu bile tgk semua ni? Aku rase menyesal sangat. Aku byk sgt buat dosa dekat ibu. Mmg la tkde spe pun perfect dekat dunia ni. Tp aku dh tekad aku nk berubah. Padahal aku yg syg sgt ibu tp aku still buat dosa? From now on, aku akan make sure aku berubah sedikit demi sedikit. Tak perlu ckp la ape dosa2 aku. Tapi yg penting aku mmg byk buat dosa. Mesti ibu ckp 'rupe2 nye mcm ni anak aku. die syg aku tp knp die buat mcm tu?' tk boleh byg kn mcm mane die sedih. Ya Allah!! Knp lah sebak sgt dada ni. Aku dh tk boleh fikir ape2 dh skrg. Asyik teringat ibu je. Menyesal sgt sgt! Ibu, kin tk kesah pasal harta. Ekin dh tekad, im not going to be selfish from now on. Yg paling sedih bile dgr abg wan ckp td dekat akak and abglg 'abg buat semua ni utk adk2 kite. ekin and yana. masa depan dorg' rupe2 nye abg2, akk aku ambik berat tentang aku and adik aku. Sedih sgt bile fikir kn nasib aku and yana. especially yana, kak uda sayang sgt dekat yana. kak uda sbenanye mmg tk suke bile aunty layan yana mcm tu. kak uda sedih bile yana tggal sorg2 kt umh papa. kak uda tahu yana mesti lg rindu kn ibu. kak uda terfikir kn psl yana, mcm mn yana nk hadapi semua ni. yana lg la tktahu pape.

Sedih sangat. Dalam kepala otak ni tkde fikir lain dh semua nye psl ibu and family. kalau cerita dekat org selain dr family aku pun dorg maybe tak kan faham. So malas la aku nk menyusahkn dorg. Aku dh tktau nk ckp ape dh. Asyik terbayang muke ibu je. May Allah help me to get through all of this, amin.


AND YES, I'VE CHANGED. AND GUYS PLS I JUST NEED UR SUPPORT. I WONT MAKE IT WITHOUT U GUYS. I KNOW ITS A TOUGH DECISION. BUT I'LL TRY MY BEST AND TO TRY MY BEST ALL I NEED IS FROM U GUYS. I CANT DO IT ALONE. HOPE U GUYS UNDERSTAND MY SITUATION,TQ.

its easier said than done

I've been faking these smiles for a long long time. I dont know what to say but im tired of everything, and sick of trying. at the end it still the same. This few days i kept thinking bout my family. i know there's something wrong bout it. For my dearest ex girlfriend, u can do whatever u like u can live with whom u like. I wont force u. U have ur own right to seek for ur happiness. The reason i say this is not because im goin to say 'sorry' or what. What i do was right. So accept the fact. I dont care what ppl gonna say. Its my life and i have my own authority to choose or to live with it. U're not my darina anymore. U've changed and i totally hate that new darina, its totally disgusting' for heaven sakes. so i guess i should just leave.


Well i obviously not satisfied with my results. Its totally crap and hell bad. urghhh.
 I went out with adam last night it was just fine;) ohh yeah im goin to penang tonight with my friends actually i was just goin' there to accompany my sister for the make-up thingy but i was thinking that it would be more fun if i could go with my friends too. so i decided to ask them to join me and hell we're going to have a lots of fun there!:) i just miss the day we had fun together at auto-city. its still fresh in my mind hehehe.

i'll continue my story later, i gtg

Perasan

Pity girl. Guys, darina thought that i was giving that status to her. For heaven sakes, puhles. I am so not gonna wasting my time talking bullshit about her. Its like, do i get paid? Duhhhh. Such a silly girl Toodles