Gerun

Gosh, pmr result is on their way. Oh my prada! Takut sgt la, hopefully i'll get straight a's. Mesti nnt time pegi amik tu sume ade yg menangis, happy. mygodd takut nye. Hopefully papa wont be mad at me. and harap sgt sgt tkde yg F ;( Ya Allah, Amin. guys, kwn2, bersiap sedia la ye nk amik result  my gucci, my gucci. tk terkata ni. Takut ya amat. Ishhhhhhhhh! Somebody call 911!

I hate you Renee

You're so whatever! Mengade ngade, aku ckp lain kau ckp lain. U're being so whtever urghhh. Its not funny renee, its not even in the same zip code as funny! Im serious and u're trying to create some bullshit story. WHAT THE? I hate you I hate you I hate you mengade sgt kn kate out of credit la ape la Okay fine, i wont pick up ur call dh lepas ni Toodles~


"DONT TELL ME U'RE SORRY CUZ U'RE NOT. BABY WHEN I KNOW U'RE ONLY SORRY U GOT CAUGHT"

Its killing me ;S

Today is my 1st day period, and it was like so pain! urghhh, i just dnt know wht to do. I think i need to buy the panadol menstrual. Oh not again,, knp la hr ni yg dtg. Shitt-eman. Sakit perut gile la huh.

Fahrin did told me bout the complicated relationship, jgn la ckp mcm tu sume and tak sihat la kalau mcm ni. I didn't tell him the actual situation, i just told him tht it was just a song and nothing to worry bout. and he told me to look at his new pictures at Bangkok. Die peg sne because of shooting if im not mistaken.

gtg perut dh start meragam la
Love always,ekin

Finally

and i was like wht the? He ask me to jgn fkir bukan2? Sush sgt ke nk msg dlu sblm kelua ke ap. Kalau la tbe2 ke die accident ke ap, pastu aku tktau. nk macam tu? I was just trying to take care bout him, at least pinjam la hp kwn2 nk send 1msg pn tk boleh? I am not stupid la! this is so ridiculous u know? I dnt know how many excuses u want to gimme after this. Just enough, if u r not into this shit just say it. I can deal with it, I hate this.

Worried bout papa :'(

I just got call from kelantan bout papa. Suddenly papa pulak kena mcm Aqeel sakit muntah2 lepas tu tk larat. He was so sick and tk larat entah mcm mne die terjatuh dlm tandas tk sedar. Smlm papa almost nk pitam so admitted hospital kat sne. Tktau la skrg mcm mne condition die, didnt get any call from him. And worried sgt psl papa tah mcm mn la die dkt sne dgn org rmai nye papa dh la rimas kalau rmai2 org lagi2 die tgh tk larat skg.

 Serious i am so benggang with aunty! Die dh tau hari tu Aqeel pn tk larat, nk jugk take risk balik. Tk bole nk fkir ke mane baik mne buruk? Dh la dh beli ticket flight balik, skg ni kalau papa tk boleh klua lg hospital by tuesday mcm mne? ticket tu trpkse burn la? This is all because of you aunty. Then bile plk nk balik KL? nk ckp gune citra mmg tak la dgn papa tk larat dh la journey jauh dr kelantan to KL and plus all this flood thingy. Oh my gucci, mmg sial gile kn? Pastu nk kena plk ble ticket bru. This is all shit man! I swear, if anything happen dkat papa she will get it back twice! traitorous bitch! MF

gtg, lg lame aku ckp psl ni lg mrh aku dkt pmpuan tu.

Love always, ekin.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha

Hey guys, selamat hari raya! Sedih nye dgr takbir raya dr semalam. Sedih ingat ibu:'( Hmm im still at papa hse. kejap lg papa/akk yg hanta me and my sister+bibik dkt rumat atuk. Papa nk balik kelantan hr ni, flight die pkul 8 kot. Hmmm sakit nye perut urghh spoil mood kejap. Btw, mlm ni nur kasih episod last Gosh tk sbr nk tgk mesti sedih gila. and soon dvd die pn nk klua i must buy it:)

Smlm aku mimpi ibu. pergi minum strbucks ddn ibu dpt duduk sbelah die plak tu. Happy sgt2. Hopefully mlm ni pn mimpi ibu jugk Amin~

Well, new moon smlm omg it was like so fantastic ok! Gile la best. and me and yana was like so crazy in the cinema hahaha.some scene tht i like "i promise this will be the last time u will see me, dont do anything reckless"-Edward
yg paling tk tahan skali at the end of the story die ckp "marry me pls,bella?" omygod! Then abis. cant wait fr eclipse,breaking dawn1&2. From wht i heard from akk, die ckp eclipse byk psl jacob and how they fight with victoria. and breaking dawn nnt time bella pregnant it takes 2 weeks je perut die dh besar and time tu edward tuka kn bella jd vampire and guess wht? bella is more stronger than Edward:) woww tk sbr nk tgk time bella jd vampire pehhh

Ok la gtg im goin 2 mandi and msg my baby<3



"

again and again

 We had a fight since this morning till now. I dont know why he's acting like so mad to me. Did i did something wrong to him? Pls, i cant stand this. and every single mistakes tht he had done he will ask me an apology but then again he still do the same mistakes again. I mean, why in the world or i should suffer this? I love him so much cant he even understand me? I cant stop crying thinking bout this. I didnt even reply his msgs, i dont feel like want to:(

Sakit perut sgt2 la hari ni, dr td sakit. dh mkn pn sakit. mygosh its killing me. and the worst part kakak dh berbaik dgn abg syam 'i dont know wht to say!' gosh wht happen? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm lets just forget about all of this. i dont care tp yg paling geram die nk tdo dlm. then where shud i sleep? Huh!! pls la
I hate my life! I hate everything. I just miss ibu:'(

Salam~

DAMN

Huh for real, i cant stand this. Its killing me u know?  I think i better go to the clinic to check :0 Hmm yesterday, my hse got black out Dang! I was like so takut ok? everyone dh tdo and im the one yg terjaga. Shitteemannnn. Today papa is goin back to kelantan. Hmm bye bye aunty gefedikfikk Hahahahah. And tomorrow guess what? OMgehhhhhh hahhaha im goin to watch this fantastic movie jeng jeng jeng. Jgn mrahhh/jealous hehehe.

cant wait to watch that movie:P Sam- "easyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" hahahahah

gtg, i'll keep updating

Love always,

ekin.

Im sorry- i did this few things because of...

I really had a sleepless night, moving here and there on my bed and thinking bout what happen to us last night. I least expected it, I experienced the worst headache ever, all i could hear was my heart beating much faster than it ever has.

We all made mistakes not trying to understand each other, some words did hurt in.  I know it's been hard for you trying to understand the typical of me.

I know we both said so many things to each other that we least expected, trying to find out the truth about something, it's really hard and needs much time, but i guess i got carried away by saying those words to you. i know you said you forgive me, but the fact u wont frgive me rite? i disappoint you. I've regretted saying those things to you and being the first girl to have said this to you also hurts me a lot. Whether you accept my apology or not *I'm truly sorry for my harsh and unpleasant words bout last night*

For now, I know sorry is just a word, but for what it's worth I am very sorry for hurting you last night:'(  I'm really confused about everything hd happened to me. I want things to be stable but i dont know how or when shud i start. I love you so much and never will I think that I can forget you. I remain yours.

 This few days, i got this feelings. My fmly? They dont even bother bout me. Thts wht hurts me most of the time. papa got his own life with his wife and also his son&daughter. Eventhough i always go to papa hse but then again i dont feel like im in the family anymore. Abg wan with his family. Abglg got his own life too, with his friends. And me? with akk. As usual, she dont hv much time with me. her work and etc. So im the one who stuck alone at home? while, yana happy dkt rumah dgn aqeel bibik. Abglg dgn kwn2 die. at least they still got smething to do or to chill out. wht about me? Am i the only one who deserve this? I dont think so. Everyday, i spent the rest of my day, usually, stayed at home. watching tv, kemas rumah, tidur. I dnt hve any of my life anymore. Kakk pn usually balik lmbt. kalau balik pn msak je. Rase mcm dh tk brgune dh kt sni. And u all never know how i survive my life without ibu. all u can see is tht i've changed to be a bad girl. did you know why i turned to this way? because of u all. u never cared bout me, all u guys know is to judge me how bad i am. u guys r being so unsupported. I feel im just a piece of shit and no one cares. So why shud u bother bout me? Im a bad person rite? then why u still want to judge bout my pathetic life. mybe one day if u all rse how i rase then u all will know how hurt it is to be like this. Thts why aku tk boleh being alone. bile jd mcm tu, aku sedih. sbb most of the time aku mmg sendri. as if like hidup aku ni mmg sndri. ap2 buat sndri. aku pn tk penah hidup mcm ni. I am still young, i dont dserve in this life where i should buy anything sendiri. sblum ni sume nye dh sedia, tp suddenly ibu tkde. sume dh brubah. sume kena buat sndri. I dont want this life. Susah la nk ckp, korg tk kn faham. I hate you guys! and if aku cerita pn korg akn rse bnda ni complicated and will never FAHAM. so lebih baik aku tk cerita. eventhough lg perit simpan, but its okay. i can handle it. Kalau ibu ade dkt sini, tentu tk jd mcm ni. tkde la rumah tu sunyi, tkde spe. rindu mkn dgn ibu. Rindu everything about ibu. I am so sad rite now, i just wish ibu ade dekat sini and peluk like ibu selalu peluk.
Sedih sgt, i gtg i dont want anyone to know tht i am sad. Seriously, susah la. Aku tk boleh nk tnjuk dkt org aku sedih. mcm aku ni ketagih simpati dkt org lain. aku tk nk org anggap aku mcm tu. So please fhm.





Love always,
ekin.

better in time - leona lewis

Tgh dok dgr lgu leona lewis-i will be, tbe2 teringat balik lagu better in time. Lagu tu mmg membuat kn ingt kt ibu. sbb time ibu msuk icu time sakit sume, lgu tu tgh popular kt radio and bile tgk balik lyric die mmg sedih and mcm situation aku. tk kesh la kalau kt mn2 pn aku peg kalau dgr kgu ni msti sedih n menangis. Complicated utk org fhm. rindu sgt dkt ibu. mlm sblm pmr teringat time UPSR, ibu siap bg air zam-zam msg good luck semua tp skg dh tkde. 1st day pmr even papa pn tk wish. lg plak dok umh akk, mmg xd sp nk ckp good luck ke ape. yg paling menyedihkn pg2 tu pegi skola sume dgn ibu dorg. time rehat pn mk ayh dorg dtg bwk makanan and aku? just alone. even ad mk dorg tk dtg mcm renee and darina. tp mk dorg still call tye mcm mne jwb paper? aku sbelah dgr tahan je. time nk msuk dewan, mak ayh dorg sume berdiri kt tepi tu, and aku was like? tunduk je tahan sebak ni. aku punye la berdoa supaya dpt tabah terima sume dugaan ni. and smlm gembira sgt, eventho ia bukn realiti tp aku dpt rse aku dgn ibu. xtau la plak dsbbkn aku trlalu rindu ke dkt ibu ataupn mmg doa aku dmakbulkn dpt jumpe ibu. smlm aku mimpi aku bru lepas buat exam, ibu dtg amik bwk balik peg mkn. lepas tu hntr msuk dewan exactly mcm mn yg 1st day pmr tu. ibu siap tye lg mcm mne paper sume. aku boleh rse kn mcm btl2. tbe2 trbgn and terus sedih sbb aku menghrpkn bnda tu realiti tp ape kn daya. Hanya tuhan yg maha berkuasa. mmg dh di takdir kn aku tk kn jumpe ibu dh buat selama-lamanya :'(

pantai medical centre - a night to remember

As i look around this hospital, i can barely breath and thinking about d past. where all of my family waiting here about a couple of weeks because of my mom illness. i can say that the memories are still fresh on my mind. I still remember when i took her fr a walk with the wheel chair. and rite now im at the same hospital where my mom hd passed away on the emergency section. But im here because of my sister who had a pneumonia. she still baby. looking her sick like tht is the most hardest thing to do. I am so pity to her. Now is about 8.45pm and i am still at d starbucks. waiting fr my brother to come here. Hmm i miss my ibu so badly. I just wish she was here :( i cant do anything other than crying. i just cant stand it. Ibu, if u were here right beside me, i just wanna hug u as long as i can. kiss u,and tell u to pls stay with me :'(

"Ya Allah ya tuhanku kau tabahkanlah hati aku dgn segala cabaran dan dugaan yg kau berikan. Aku memohon kpd kau ampunilah dosa ibuku YaAllah ya tuhanku.tempatkanlah die di syurga mu.jauhilah die dr azab api neraka mu dan azab kubur mu. tenangkn lah roh nya YaAllah ya tuhan ku yg maha pemurah lagi maha pengasih. Kau berilah cahaya di kuburnya YaAllah ya tuhanku supaya die berasa selesa di sana.Aku memohon supaya memakbulkan doaku ini sesungguhnya kau maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang.Amin"


Ibu,kalau ibu ad kt sni mesti skg kite dh sibuk beli2 brg utk raya, kin bukn tk brsyukur dgn segala pemberian papa. tp ibu and papa is a 2 different things. ibu ade cara ibu, n papa pn ade cara papa. kalau dgn ibu peg brshopping, ibu tk pnah merungut nk beli ape2. ibu ikut kn je hati ktorg. Malah,ibu yg ajk ktorg slalu peg shopping.ibu salu pegi dgn ekin. nk beli LV ke,nk beli coach ke,beli Braun Buffel and byk lg. ibu salu pegi dgn kin and ibu salu tye opinian ekin. Ekin yg byk spend time dgn ibu. sbb tu bile dtg je hari raya even hari2 biase. ekin msti teringat kn ibu. Its like, hidup seharian ekin yg dulu dh betul2 berubah. dlu even hari biase pn kte selalu kua n ibu tk benti2 shopping. ekin pn ikut kn je kerenah ibu sbb ekin pun ske shopping n ske tgk ibu happy brshopping wlaupn kdg2 ibu sukar nk kelua kn duit dr pocket because of trlmpau byk kte shopping. kin sedih sgt teringat hari terakhir kin kelua sama2 dgn ibu berdua. pergi gardens. ibu nk bayar bill maxis and ibu topup ekin Rm100. kin still ingat lg, kin tk pnh lupa psl tu. wlaupun time tu ibu tk larat, tp ibu still nk peg sne. ekin tk penah nk mrh ibu sbb ibu jalan pelahan2 and kin siap papah ibu jalan. kin tk expect yg hari tu adalah hr terakhir kte spend time sme2. tp lepas ibu meninggal ekin bru realize lepas abg boy cte kt kin psl hari yg kte klua tu. Rupe2 nye abg boy ckp ibu yg mintak abg boy amik kin n jgn bwk sp2(tp abg boy pn ikut cuma die tk kua skali because die just bwk keta). die ckp dgn abg boy die nk spend time dgn ekin je buat hari tu. Bile kin dgr cte abg boy, mengalir air mata ekin. even kin tgh type ni pon air mata dh mengalir. sedih sgt teringat ibu sambil dgr lagu song for mama. lagu ni mmg sgt sedih n menyentuh hati. ibu kin rindu sgt ibu, berapa hari lg kin nk Pmr. mcm hidup ni miserable gile tkde ibu. kalau ibu ade, sblum exam ibu mesti sediakn kin air zamzam. and kalau kin exam kin msti msg ibu supaya doakn kin cemerlang. ibu mesti reply balik insyallah anak ibu akan cemerlang ibu doakn. kin rindu sgt semua tu. smpai skrg, to be real kin still tk pcye and xboleh accept permegian ibu. Ibu, kalau lah ibu ad kt sbelah kin skrg n nampak ap yg kin tulis ni, pulanglah ibu. anakmu merindukn mu dan memerlukanmu setiap saat,setiap minit,setiap jam,setiap hari setiap masa!



**Bile tgk balik lirik lgu ni mmg sedih and lg brtmbh rindu dkt ibu...

Oh! Ibu.
Kau disiram bayu pagi
Kehilangan terasa kini
Dan kesepian

Dan aku
Bagai purnama gerhana
Di ibarat lautan kering
Tiada tempat ku layarkan
Hasratku ini
Masih belum sempat
Kubuktikannya kepadamu
Ibu tersayang
Kucurahkan rasa hati


Ku tatapi potret mu berulang kali
Kurenungkan kalimah yang diberi
Tuhan Yang Esa
Ampuni dosa ibu
Tempatkan mereka
Di antara kekasih kekasihMu

Oh! Ibu
Kau kasih sejati
Kutaburkan doa
Untukmu ibu
Ampunilah dosaku
Sejak ku dilahirkan
Hingga akhir hayatmu

Saat ini
Kuteruskan hidup
Tanpa bersamamu ibu

N-O-P

Aqeelah admitted hospital yesterday because of her lungs affected. n i was so pity about her condition right now. although i got this 'berak hitam' thingy i'd still calm and dont wanna make things more complicated. and today guess wht? aqeel got this wierd disease if you see this picture u might be wondering wht is happening to his penis. i am so curious about this. can someone gimme some opinion?

though, i am still studying fr my next coming pmr. eventhough i am so worried about my exam but still, i am really keeping this as a secret i do not want ppl or any of em know about my problems. enough papa with this problems, and plus aqeel. I just wish ibu were here and gimme those kata2 semangat:(

Its almost 7 rite now i think i should be prepare fr buka puase

Ooh mygodnesss

Hmm guess wht? hr ni pn aku tk g skola pg td teruk gile sakit pastu g clinic doctor bg ubt yg dos die tggi skit pstu die kate kalau lepas ni aku berak then kua najis wrna hitam terus pegi clinic then kena transfer ke hospital sbb maybe dlm perut ade luka. mygosh hrp2 la this thing will nver happen! so today pn tk puase la mkn bubur mcd. hmm trseksa woo trseksa!

having a extremely freakingly..

"GASTRIK"

smlm dh g clinic then doc gimme 2 days MC. so i didnt go 2 school today. tp subuh td tk bgn sahur then tk mkn ubt. im wondering how can i survive without taking any medicine. tp tahan jela kalau rse dh tk thn sgt bukk la. sementara tu dok layan la game path life dgn dorg ni kt office hahahahah.the 1st round aku kalah kau2 punye dpt last. but the 2nd round i won tp tk dpt 1st, dpt 2nd ke 3rd tk ingt(sorry la sejak 2 menjak ni everyone was like saying im nyanyok duhhhh). so dlm pkul 3.30 kot perut dh berkeroncong xapin. dh tk tahan sgt pegi la amik ubt. lps makan ubt then lega la sgt. huh

P/S: jgn lupe tgk iklan bru henry golding dkt tv3 tu. iklan minyak rmbut uber kot omygod he's hot man!  urgh 1 lg iklan scha dgn fahrin tu. sumpah aku menyampah gile do. mcm sial. tlg la scha tu. aku sumpah menyampah gile do dgn die.  duhh? of course i am jealous ok! "jealousy is acking to the love" and sudh semestinya i love fahrin ok! duhhhh naik menyampah.

Gastrik vs Pedih ulu hati?

Today, was my most sakit day. drpd smlm dh aku sakit ni. Kejadian jd mula2 sbb smlm aku tk bgn sahur. pastu g skola tgh hari skit sakit perut mcm nk mati n i was wondering tht was gastrik. so aku pn dh tk tahan skit then buat kputusan nk brbuka puasa so i can take my ubt nasib baik la aku all the time bwk ubt kt beg. so i called papa and akk. ask their permission dlu, the permission approval ahahha(mcm nak buat loan plk). lepas tu msuk kelas ape lg, amik air mkn ubt. erhhh lega do. then hari ni td pg akk bgn la kn shur tp perut tkd slera nk mkn sgt so minum milo je nk alas perut and i was thinking tht kalau minum milo maybe la better skit prut ni. but in couple of minutes, perut aku jd sakit balik mcm smlm. omgosh seriously mmg tk tahan do. akk was thinking tht mmg ape yg aku alami ni gastrik sbb die ckp org2 yg gastrik ni mmg tak boleh mula kn hari dorg dgn minum benda yg brsusu. chit chat chit chat die surh beli gaviscon plak. tp gaviscon bukn untuk pedih ulu hati ke? hehhh pelik la plk sakit aku ni. thnk god tk g skola hari ni. nk tggu si aunti ma tu bgn pstu g clinic. mygod tdo mati ke ape. hahahahahahah

the new password had been sent 2 me

yahoo dh sent password bru blog lame aku ni yg sudh sekian lama terbengkalai  mcm tu je. if im not mistaken, aku created blog ni mase 2007 time aku form1 :) hehehehe thank god dh boleh bukk balik. mls la nk buat yg bru mmg bernasib baik la password n akhirnya boleh bukk balik. *Fuhhhhhh
just fr ur information update2 yg lame 2 sudh pn aku delete semua. so i may begin a new post from now on:)